Friday, September 10, 2010

Needing Some Advice....

What do you do with a friend you've had a rough time with before and is now lying to your face?

See, I have this friend, Tina, who I have been really good friends with for a really long time now. But it has constantly been whining, venting, complaining, annoying to deal with on a regular basis. Everything is always about Tina and I can't go to her with my problems without her problems being thrown in the mix to seem more important. And nothing is ever going good for her, or so she thinks. There is never a positive side to anything and it's constantly "poor me". And see, a while back, another friend of ours, Katy, who just came into our lives a few months ago, decided to be very selfish and not be grateful for what Tina had done for her. So Tina was mad at Katy and told me she didn't want anything to do with someone like Katy. I was the friend Tina confided in and that was fine. I was happy about it, I know-totally horrible to say, because Katy was a bad friend and was everything I suspected. But one day, Tina told me she didn't want to be friends with Katy anymore and that I had been right all along. Then a week later, they're buddy buddy again. So needless to say, I talked to Tina and everything seemed ok.

Well last night, I may have found out about a conversation between Tina and Katy - about me!!!! Not only about me, but it was about how Tina wanted to give up on being friends with me and how I had been so mean to her about things. First off, I WAS NEVER MEAN! I have been calm and nice and respectful about everything I have said to her. I've gotten to a point where I'm tired of the bullshit and her going back and forth between friends. I am tired of her talking smack about Katy and others, but then running back to Katy and being buddy buddy again. Secondly, I spoke with Tina about this situation this morning (in no way mentioning I knew about the conversation) and was trying to see if she was going to lie to me yet again, because it has constantly been "what are you doing", "oh nothing", "wanna do something", "oh not today, I'm just going to relax" - and then I find out she's not telling me the truth. AND SHE DID! SHE LIED TO ME LIKE IT WAS NOTHING! I asked if she had been able to talk to anyone else, including Katy, about the conversation we had about everything or about anything that was going on and she said no she hadn't. WHAT A FREAKING LIAR!!!! The conversation made it clear she had been talking to Katy about everything. And now, Tina is acting like everything is ok and it's just a bunch of stuff dealing with 1, 2, 3 and not anything to do with me. But in the conversation, she was clearly very upset and said at one point she wanted to not try anymore and just forget about me.  

My predicament is this: I don't want to lose Tina as a friend because I enjoy having someone to always talk to and hang out with. But I don't feel like she is a good friend and I don't feel like I am treated the way I treat her. So a part of me knows I need to cut her off and go about my merry way. But another part of me, a HUGE part of me, is saying just don't say anything about knowing the truth and just stay friends, just be careful what you say/do. I just won't put my heart into it like I did before. I guess it would be more of a normal, every day friendship, rather than a best friend kind of thing. IDK.

This sucks. What would you do? What should I do? I'd appreciate any advice because I'm tired of dealing with this and constantly stressing over it.


  1. WOW!!! Do I understand what you are saying and going through.

    After doing what I called an inventory of all my friends, I started taking in what each person meant to me and how much of the friendship was a 50/50 or a 90/10. I have over the last few years in doing this little inquiry, discovered who a lot and there are few of my "real" friends are.

    I should blog about it, and will, but wanted to aide/assist you first.

    If your in a friendship that lacks the following, trust, fun, honesty and loyalaty, and you are putting more work into the friendship and getting little in return... is it really a friendship worth keeping.

    For me personally, I am past the age of high school games and caring what others think. In doing so, I know who I can count on and who to use caution with.

    I hope this helps and I will do my best to share in your dilemma here over the weekend;-)

  2. Thanks so much Kisma! I completely agree about being past the age for high school games. I am still young but I don't want to put up with that drama. I didn't put up with it in high school or college and I don't want to deal with it now. My only problem is, this is about the 5th time I've said "I'm done" with her. I just can't say it to her face. I don't know why.

    I've tried not talking to her as much, I've tried having talks about what was bothering me, and I've tried just ignoring it. But enough is enough. For some reason, I don't want to completely get rid of her. Maybe it's because there are a few common links that could cause difficulty for us if we ended things badly. I don't know. I want her to be a better friend and quit lying to me. But I don't think that will every change. That's just who she is and she knows what she is doing is wrong. (I also saw another convo between them where she asked Katy not to say anything whenever Katy and I hang out.)

    I guess one day karma will take a big bite out of her ass. I sure hope so anyway. :-X